Monday, 21 May 2012

The History of 'How Bout That' Part 4

Hello friends,

Once again, please read Part 1 (here) then Part 2 (here) and finally Part 3 (here) before tackling this blog right here because it's Part 4, and it won't make any sense whatsoever to you if you haven't followed the intricate plot that has unfolded over the previous instalments of this shocking time bending conspiracy.

I was being watched, closely, the tiny fruit salads had done more then just connect me into Mrs X and her magic carpet of wonders, they had also opened my mind to other realms of existence that were right there with me at all times. I was not paying close attention to these other realms at that point, for I still didn't even believe in 'How Bout That Records', and I certainly had no idea that I was to be one of it's cofounders.

5. The Alien Connection

Magic torch for seeing aliens
On one of my visits to Mrs X, she revealed to me that I was being followed. I had been feeling the presence of other beings while doing my research into How Bout That, but I had brushed it off using a tiny spiritual paint brush I had dreamed up for myself. Mrs X explained that I was being watched by something from another time, not just one single thing, but multiple researchers. I was being researched while I was doing research, something was researching the researcher while the researcher researched. Mrs X told me I should stop saying 'research' and should focus on the problem at hand. She gave me a magic torch and showed me how to use it to light up the beings when they approached me.

For weeks after I had been given the torch I felt no need to use it, nothing seemed to be disturbing me as I investigated the depth of 'How Bout That'. The first time I felt the need to 'shine the light' came mid winter while I was listening to a song that might have been from the future. I had found a link to an alien internet which had several songs from the Best Songs of Earth CD, also there were links to future and past releases. It took me a while to navigate around the sites as they were laid out very differently to our human internet pages, and the links were prone to be broken or faulty. Eventually, on this one night, I managed to partially download a track called '555gffffrr£@33***!'. I couldn't track down the artist name, and I wasn't quite sure how you pronounced the track name, but it was something quite unique. I had not heard anything like it before, and I am not capable of describing it with any accuracy to you. The best description I can think of involves The Beatles in a blender with dubstep, hip hop, hardcore trance and Madonna being spat out of a being that has evolved from record players. That doesn't come close to a fitting description, but it is the best I have to offer.

The torch light effect.
The song had been tagged with a homing beacon, and while I was listening to it my exact location was being fed to a central location somewhere central. I was bopping about to the song when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I stopped the bop and froze in my seat (not literally, the central heating was on). I slowly turned around to see who or what was there, but there was nothing to be seen. I grabbed for the torch and frantically jabbed at the on button. The light sprung into action mode and sent out a bright orange pulse that filled the room with amazing light. As the pulse rippled around the room it revealed the beings stood watching me, and there were at least ten of them in my small studio space. The orange pulse continued to show me these beings as they tapped away on ipad like devices. One of them was holding up some kind of probe, it was waving it about in my face and tapping away on it's computer pad thing. I sat very still, trying to work out how to get out of the room, the exit was well and truly blocked by these creatures, and the window was bolted shut for safety reasons. One of the alien things noticed the torch and started to sniff at it with a probe stick thingy. I guess it worked out that I could now see them because it turned to the other creatures and started flailing it's arms (I guess they were arms) about. The other creatures all stopped tapping away on their pads and turned to observe me. One of them stepped forward and waved a tentacle thing in front of my eyes to get a reaction, but I used all my ninja training to remain perfectly still.

They are watching...
The being that was probing me took a large needle out of it's pocket (again, just a guess, it might have been a bag strapped to its body, or a pouch like a kangaroo maybe!). The long needle was plunged into my forehead and I instantly went numb and fell off of my chair. I do not remember what happened next.


I awoke 5 days later in a different part of the country. I had no idea how I had got there, and getting back home turned out to be a mega mission and a half, for I had no money on me, and no clothes to sell either. All I had on was a pair of boxer shorts and a green scarf. I stumbled around in the forrest of a while, trying to work out what to do. I kept blacking in and out of consciousness, getting these sharp stinging pains up and down my body before falling to the ground and shaking violently for a little while. I managed to find a stream where I washed the scarf and myself. As the water covered my body I got strange flashes of some other place. Suddenly, as if a film were being projected onto my eyelids, I was shown something. It was a documentary, one from the future, all about 'How Bout That Records'. The start was the most shocking part, it was a recreation of the very situation I have been telling you about. The tiny fruit salad, the missing link, the aliens, Mrs X, they were all in there, as well as me being injected and taken to the forrest. The spookiest part was when it got to me washing myself and watching the documentary, it was so meta it made me be sick all over my knob. After that section, the documentary showed me the future, how I eventually managed to get a taxi home by selling the scarf to a goblin for five pieces of gold, how I would form 'How Bout That Records' with Mr Donny Stax, how we would end up selling billions of records in a very short space of time, how we would sign up the first intergalactic artist ever, how we would concur space, time, the universe and everything, and how we would go back in time and help form the very universe that birthed us. It was a thrilling documentary, and hopefully it will make it to mainstream television before you die, but if it doesn't, you might be able to track it down on the internet in a few decades.

First ever release by How Bout That Records.
So there you have it, the truth about 'How Bout That Records', the most influential music label in the whole future history of the universe....well how bout that!

The first record they ever released will be available to Pre-order in a day or two...or in the past, it depends when you read this I guess :)

Peace and Infinite Love

[adj] - Andy D Jackson

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